Andyan Ka Na Naman (Here you go again…)

nand’yan ka na naman
tinutukso-tukso ang aking puso
ilang ulit na bang
iniiwasan ka di na natuto

sulyap ng ‘yong mata
laging nadarama kahit malayo, ooh
nahihirapan na
lalapit-lapit pa di na natuto

isang ngiti mo lang 
at ako’y napapaamo
yakapin mong minsan
ay muling magbabalik sa’yo

na walang kalaban-laban
ang puso ko’y tanging iyo lamang 
ooh…

A famous old school song from the Philippines. What could perfectly describe how I feel right now. It’s funny how true the quote that says  if you’re happy, you enjoy songs, but if you’re sad, then you can understand the lyrics of the song. However I am not happy nor unhappy, but could not help but remember this song as of my state today. 

What can I say, I’d like to convince myself that I’m finally okay; that I’m finally back to looking at him as a friend. But so the song goes, andyan ka na naman, tinutukso tukso ang aking puso… I want to be angry at myself, but I just can’t help it. I I feel all tingly and tiny heart flutters. I’m getting tired of me writing all how mushy and cheesy, but then, this is my therapy, my way of telling and getting it out of my system. 

Although as I look back, I know I have become at peace with myself at some point. I know now that what I feel is not fueled by urgency or ‘passion’. Hindi na ako nagmamadali, at hindi na masyadong nag-aanticipate ng susunod na mangyayari. Mas naiintindihan ko na kung eto yung binibigay mo at the moment, then thank you for it. If you’re not in with me, then fine by me. No urgency, No anticipation, it’s like a quiet stream flowing, rather than a strong river – complete with the rapids. 

 

I’ll just have to stick to being me, then to go on forward writing about other stuff, other than about you. 

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About The Scribbler

I have this thirst for learning. I am forever curious. I love to delve into stories by reading, watching or even listening. I believe I am unique. God is with Me all the time. I make mistakes but I learn from them. I love building lasting relationships. I am afraid of the unknown, so it's either I stay away or find out. I believe I am more matured that I was before.
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