I guess with all the things that are happening, the first subconscious thing that I do is to overthink. If not worry about the minute million details that I should have or shouldn’t have done is way beyond me. Or if not, what I do is to detach myself, gradually easing back my presence to the scene at hand.
I don’t know why I do this.
Anyway. It’s been a while since I last wrote, and not for lack of something to write. There are lots, I just don’t have the right words to say, or even if I have.. I could not make them flow from my head to my hands for it to eventually be recorded here.
So I guess this is growing up. I have always thought about growing up, maturity and all the things that I thought before a mature grown-up (redundant, I know) should be. But then BAM! You’re just met with so many responsibilities that you just wake up one morning and you ca predict – no, make that- know with absolute certainty what will happen for the next twenty four hours of your life.
I guess what I miss and what I need is the spontaneity, the creativeness, the free soul that yearns to come out. I don’t know if I have been like that when I was younger, but that is what I want for me, eventually.
This is way too abstract, yeah. So if you’ll ask me, what I really want to achieve “in the real world” are:
1) a small house I can be proud of to say mine
2) travel – Scotland, Europe, America here I come.
3) an adventure.
I don’t know if you could still call these things sensible, because with all the thoughts underlying that three items are not so simple, if I must say.
For example, that small house I want, it should have a semblance of comfort and beauty. Preferably if they have at least been designed with all the ideas I have seen in the Net. The colors should be ocean-inspired, teal and white is my preferred colors. In order to achieve this, I need to save, save and save. Buying properties nowadays are no small feat, let alone decorating it. So with that thought, it never fails to make me snap back to reality.
Travelling; there’s so many places that I want to see, but deep down, I guess the yearning to go to those places, is not because I just have to brag that I’ve been there, done that’ but I just want to live… and feel. You know the feeling you get an epiphany over a new experience? I guess that is what I’m looking for. It’s just a bonus if I can cross them out of my bucket list.
An adventure. Define the adventure that I want, you say? An around the world trip? That’s stretching it to the limit. I’m just imagining myself riding on car/auto and doing town hopping. I’ll stop from time to time to Bed and Breakfast places, capturing photos, getting to know people, trying things that I have yet to know. Somehow I think of it happening in America. I dunno, I read a book similar to this and they did it for a year. But I would be happy if I can do it back home. As for Europe and Scotland and Ireland, I just to visit the cliffs in Scotland, the village life in Ireland and of course, Eiffel Tower in Paris. Every self proclaimed romantic wants to have the Eiffel tower experience, I believe.
I can say and dream of all these all day long, but I want them to be part of my reality. So what to do then? Of course, I need to save, as much as I could, and then hopefully, before I turn thirty, I must fulfill the NEED to travel and adventure. the house I can wait until I’m forty. :p
I feel like this is what I need to do to quench the thirst for adventure. Just for a year, to never have worries about responsibilities, and just..live. I wonder if I can really be like that? Then I’ll get to read this in a few years… then I’ll know whether I really lived.