Yes, miraculously, I got the courage to open you again. It has been many months I had a yen to pour out to you, yet I found excuses not to.
So here I am again. About to. Will try to.
I cannot remember easily what I posted about the last time I was here.
But I can tell you a lot has happened since then.
To update you real quick, let me tell you the following:
1. I resigned already
2. I’m going back to the Philippines on 19 February.
3. I’m going to manage (?) the business at home.
So there, fingers and arms and guts crossed.
My friend told me, everybody’s excited for me to come back.
I’m just grateful I am welcomed and been awaited by everyone.
Honestly, I know I have changed for the last two years I was here in the Gulf, and it truly changed me from being a naivete girl living in a small village, to being (I hope) a smarter and a little bit experienced young woman who stayed in an advanced metropolitan, one of the most progressive in the world.
To be honest, I am also anxious about what I’ll do back home. They said I’ll just travel. Hopefully, yes, and more of it, in the proper time. But that’s not the only thing that I want to do. I want to love the job that I will do. I want to breathe sleep and live my life knowing that I’m doing it, to honor and help my parents, yes; but also because I LOVE what I do. I hope to find the balance of work and play; to enjoy the opportunity given to me.
I look forward to the next five years of my life. A bit hazy yes, because I tend to look at so much in the future that I tend to forget the now. I learned in the few weeks and days of knowing that I will eventually leave this life abroad, that you should cherish the moment.
Cherish every moment. You will not know whether there will be a next time, so hold on to every feeling and be thankful you got the chance to experience what has happened.
I think this summarizes my stay here. I learned loads, got to meet awesome, and wonderful people; discovered something new about myself.
They ask me, why do I want to leave this place – an amazing and comfortable lifestyle. I have friends, some relatives and my family gets to visit once in while. Is it enough? I asked myself so many times before making my decisions, moments before I sleep, and on odd waking moments in the middle of the night.
The simple answer I can give is I’m not happy. And I know, that God has more plans for me. I can’t be the daddy’s girl anymore. I can’t be the daughter of the founder as well. I want to be the young woman, I hope and envision myself to be.
I look forward to making mistakes, and to have the courage to face them and admit that I need help. I want to experience once again, that bone-deep joy I experience before. Although I am sure that nothing will ever be the same again.
My friend again told me, you were worried before when you were about to leave the Philippines, of what might happen when you live in Dubai, and it turned out well, yes? Now you’re worried about what will happen when you come back. Is it not enough of a miracle that everything turned out well, and it will happen again once you return?
This made me think. She got it right. Why do I need to worry?
Not to be so negative, maybe I’m scared of what I expect of the expectations of the people around me. But then I realized, and it seemed stupid when I think of it, that I should never live up to anyone’s expectation but mine. Stupid because I thought that this quote does not apply to me, or I am not allowing everybody’s expectation to affect me. How very wrong I was.
So this year, I didn’t get around making a New Year’s resolution, so I guess I needed to say these things: 1. I’ll do my best to face whatever challenges that might come my way; 2. I will not be imprisoned by what I think others will say; and 3. I will be open to guidance and new horizons because you’ll never know what lessons you might get from it. 4. To be free and at the same time guarded, and to achieve that balance in my life – in all aspects.
I thank you, once again, as I let out my objectives and somewhat a map to help me face this chapter of my life. Thank you!!! 🙂