Caught Up

I’m caught up.

I started today with this bible verse,

Psalm 35:28

“And my tongue will speak of Your righteousness and of Your praises, all day long.”

I hoped that today would be a productive one, which I think started that way. However, I got distracted by this and that, and the root problem I think is failing to plan ahead what I need to do for the next day, so I end up doing what I just remembered. then I tried jotting down my to-do lists, only to find out that I have lots to do, and that;s just long overdue and discounting my proactive action. It gets very depressing because I don’t have any defense that I was not able to do this or that and it eventually led me to cram up when it’s urgent. And boy, it is a vicious cycle. So here I am, evaluating myself after a day, where I cannot lie ANYMORE, that I have done less work than I should have.

However, that is not what I have been second-guessing all day. It’s the fact that God’s Word is really a double-edged sword. It’s not only used as a guide for people around you, but most of all, it serves as your center, your standard of right and wrong, which leads me to have this big ball of guilt because I purposefully lied to a colleague today, in order to save myself. It’s just so frustrating because that one little white lie (or so you think) was blown out of proportion. I managed to calm her down and just deal with the situation, because there was no other alternative but to just wait. But as soon as I ended the call I was hit by my morning’s devotion. It’s as if, I heard my own voice, whispering in my own ears, the devotion I just had this morning.

Imagine the feeling of participating in the Ice Bucket Challenge?  That’s what I felt, to be reminded. Just that morning I pledged to speak of righteousness, of His praises, and there I was just finished splattering outright lies that would keep me out of trouble. It’s so shameful that I stopped what I was doing and prayed to God for forgiveness. The shame, the shame. It was literally so awful. I really asked for forgiveness, but the feeling was still there.

The result? I was not in the mood to work. It still added to my unproductivity that day, though I managed to finish one task that was most urgent… Out of desperation, here I am, spewing my heart out, because I felt out of sorts, even to the point of seeking the comfort (albeit being temporary) of feeling worthy in someone’s eye.Which is sooooo depressing and not showing the change I hope to see in me. That escalated so quickly, I had to run away from it, in order not to get sucked for an extended period.

Here I am belching it all out, I don’t want to be that person anymore, I want to utilize my time wisely, I want to be productive, I want to be disciplined. How is the great, big question.

Bill Hybels wrote in his book, ‘Who Are You When No One’s Looking’, that the key to practicing discipline is to have advanced decision making. ADVANCED DECISION MAKING. So therefore here I am, putting into writing the things I need to accomplish by tomorrow:

  1. Ziah’s birthday -will be spent half of the day, towards the evening.
  2.  Finish the report (FOR REAL this time) so you can go ahead and submit it to the OSHC.
  3. Reconciliation and sending an email to the accountant on what things are needed to prepare for the SEC renewal.

Well, these are my top 3 and I’m sure would take up the time most of the morning.

That’s mostly work-related, but I also want to have an advanced decision when it comes to personal life as well.

  1. You need to wake-up early. It say’s six AM. Wake up at exactly six for your devotion.
  2. Only use your phone when it’s absolutely necessary. STOP CHECKING for updates, for notifications, because the only thing you need to empower your day is through GOD first. If there is one thing that you need, it’s HIS updates and notifications, in order for you to live your life to the fullest, as you want in bottomline.

Ironically, I found this, as I was browsing my feed:12919930_10154850740313569_8183081140513409318_n

He lives in us.

 

Therefore, I must make things according to HIS will and not mine.

This ends my post for today. Lord, YOUR WILL BE DONE.

Thank you for the lessons, thank you for always LOVING me.

 

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About The Scribbler

I have this thirst for learning. I am forever curious. I love to delve into stories by reading, watching or even listening. I believe I am unique. God is with Me all the time. I make mistakes but I learn from them. I love building lasting relationships. I am afraid of the unknown, so it's either I stay away or find out. I believe I am more matured that I was before.
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