I am restless tonight.. It seems I want to do something but I can’t seem to find what it is. I tried reading, Just finished watching 2 movies straight. Ate a slice of a sinfully delicious cake, tempted to eat once again, but thought better of it. So what’s the next step? Well, just to pour out the many random thoughts in my mind, as I tried to listen to a 90’s remix radio on Spotify.
What am I thinking you say, i’m thinking how I can be able to become productive in my line of work. Just this morning, I got ambushed for almost one hour talking about a condensed version of BOSH to my dad so he can better explain it to his colleagues back in Dubai, and I teasingly told him to send me back to Dubai so I can assist him in the training. It’s a point of pride within me that I can at least say that I know what I’m talking about in BOSH, or at least, I get the gist and essence of it in the numerous repetitive versions I’ve heard of it. That’s why I was able to explain it to him. I hope he appreciated and recognized that skill. In fact I even enjoyed explaining it to him. Which therefore led me to believe that I enjoy training and teaching and talking, and I’m not organized as I liked to be. I have gazillion of things to do in our office, but I never could seem to catch up. I know I need to do them, but the day zips up fast because I did not prioritize the things I need to do and instead watched tv, for three freaking hours, check my phone for updates for every 10 -15 minutes, and day-dreaming before the actual work. My work ethic is crap. And I can only sigh in regret, just like now. I REALLY WANT TO. But then, I got no one else to blame but myself. Wake up, Eunice, you seriously need to.
Another thing swirling in this mind is the possibility of doing writing jobs, perhaps? Just not to get this words and ideas stuck in the mind d’you think I can handle that? Moonlighting as a romance novel writer, perhaps? Do you think I can still squeeze it in my jumbled mess? But I’m holding o to the belief that if you really want it, then you’ll exhaust all means just to see it through. I’m looking at this in a positive lens, when I should be doing homework for all my grad school subjects. Oh! HOW FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!
I have tons to do but I don’t have the will to do it, I want to do something that will give me immense pleasure, but I don;t have the guts to do it. Therefore what does that make me? A bum inside a comfortable box. Who doesn’t want to move, who doesn’t want to tip the scales. Ugh. I’ve been this couch potato that is completely comfortable with the sofa, even though everything else is a pigsty. I have a plethora of excuses, but I lack the actual ACTION!!!!!!!! I need to change.
it’s all about the attitude, the discipline and the willpower. Tomorrow I’m going to go jogging, time myself for an hour, and then go back and be dressed like a normal adult. Eat breakfast and actually get some work done. I’m going to stay away from the TV no more, get away from my phone and face my responsibilities.
May the good Lord guide me in this. I really need to change. I need this change!
So change starts tonight I’m going to sleep early. No later than 10 pm.