Courage and Liquid Luck

Not for the first time, I am here again kasi umaatake na naman yung sakit ko sa ulo, namely my topak. Ayokong isipin na tuwing sasalakayin lang ako ng topak saka ako nagsusulat, pero yun yung trend na nakikita ko.

So anyway, dahil nga gumising akong may topak sa ulo,  ang ending, walang ginawa kundi nahiga sa kama maghapon at nagbasa ng wattpad fictions. tweeted. checked for updates sa socmed. Oh diba couch potato na couch potato. Hay.

To add to matters, I’ve talked to a good old friend na matagal ko nang di kausap. but anyway to make it short, ayun. I said that I’m geuninely happy with the way things are with her life. She gets to travel, she’s engaged to a wonderful man. Oh diba it’s as if, she got this adulting part figured out. Please do not think that I am jealous of her, because I am not. I am genuinely happy for her.

It’s just that, I also long to have that kind of normalcy in my life. Pero diba nga dahil again may topak ako, gusto ko din maiba yung buhay ko.

Sometimes, I think about what if I sign up as an au pair? It’ll be an adventure. I’m in a foreign country, free to explore, without any expectations from those who know me. I want to know myself better, yung ako lang ang accountable sa sarili ko. Kakayanin ko kaya? Kaso naiisip ko pa lang, parang natatakot na ako. At yun, ayun na ang kakambal ng topak ko, ang takot. Kaya di ko magawa yung mga gusto kong gawin, kasi nauunahan ako ng takot, ng baka… ng pag-iisip. Gusto ko lang maexperience na gumora lang sa isang bagay na wala akong issipin na responsibilidad o expectation, kundi yung sarili ko lang.

I SOUND LIKE A SELFISH COD.

hay. pero ano ba ? siguro dito naman I can be free to say what I want.

 

WUHOOOO…. so tama na.

Ang gusto ko lang naman, explore a side of me na away from being a daughter, a sister, a leader. I want to explore the woman in me. The character  that is within me. What really..or rather, WHO  PRINCES EUNICE really is? Haynako, Sobrang cheesy and cliche but there yah go. Cliches are made for a reason. They are there so that you can verbalize emotions you can’t seem to name. But then again, it’s also hypocrisy to just stereotype a feeling to a cliche, so it should be used sparingly.

Potek ang gulo ko, sarili ko palang kaaway ko na. Inexplain yung pag gamit ng cliche tapos binara din yung sarli. KALOKA. >.<

I always wanted to write. Pero hanggang blog posts lang nakakaya ko. Namimiss ko na magflow yung creative juices ko. Yun bang malaya lang ako magmix and match ng words, just to project what I feel inside, na hindi cliche..okay slight.

I want to try my hand at drabbles, at fan fictions, kung dun ko man lang ba mailabas yung frustrations ko as a writer. Potek talaga, nakakaiyak. Johnoy is playing in the backgrounds, crooning to the words of Oo by Up Dharma Down. And it adds to my feels…

So bakit liquid luck? Wala lang, I am in need of courage, pero grabe iba din kaadikan ko sa katangahan eh. May update ako kay Mr. Positivity, kaso full-pledged Mr. networking na sya. hahahahaha. Parang isusumpa ko na yata ang strawberry-banana shake gawa nya. hahahaha

OMG. ngayon ko lang to inaamin. Masokista kasi ako eh. Alam ko namang networking naman talaga ang pakay nya. —-WALANG IBA. 🙂 Alam ko naman yun from the start. Never naman akong umasa na magkakaron ng higit pa dun. Gusto ko lang makakausap ng taong sobrang made-up na yung utak yung gustong mangyari sa buhay. Yung literal na alam nya yung direksyon ng buhay nya. Planado na.

Nakakatakot pala, and at the same time, I cannot help but to think about, paano naman ako? I suddenly reflected on what my life’s status is. was. will be.

Oo, I’m craving for intelligent conversations. Ones that makes you think masarap syang kausap, but if there’s one thing I realized, minsan nagkakaron na lang ng analysis paralysis….ako. haha nakakaintimidate. Ewan ko ba, minsan di ko na din maintindihan sarili ko. Kaya nga minsan pwede bang ireset na lang?

Drop everything and make this life anew.

Hay. So there goes, Courage..and liquid luck (na napakamalas, kasi networking pa more!) hahaha

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About The Scribbler

I have this thirst for learning. I am forever curious. I love to delve into stories by reading, watching or even listening. I believe I am unique. God is with Me all the time. I make mistakes but I learn from them. I love building lasting relationships. I am afraid of the unknown, so it's either I stay away or find out. I believe I am more matured that I was before.
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