I checked my last post – it was way back January. So much has happened since then. I know this wasn’t my first time to open this account after that, but today is the first that I actually proceeded to write something else.
It’s the rain. It will make you feel all things melancholic; and yearning for something you can’t quite put a label on.
I guess it’s been coming on a few days prior to this. It’s just now that I have the urgent need to let this all out, otherwise I’ll explode.
On the career front, I have never been happier. IN LIKE EVER. I have a great boss, I can genuinely say I LOVE MY JOB. Sure it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but I can say that I will be willingly and gladly work very very hard to learn everything that I can because this is what I actually want. The passion is here. For now, and I hope for a long time, I hope it stays.
Alright, time for the personal front. I long to be OKAY for the longest time. I thought I’d be okay by now, seeing that it’s been six months since I called it off from my relationship with Argel. Yes. This blog has seen my ups and downs on the emotion side for Argel, this person who I know deep in my heart, I loved. I’m afraid that if I have to be totally honest, I still do, love him, of course. Which is sooooo stupid considering, considering I don’t know if he still does. Considering my family hates him, my friends hate him, and we are at the opposite sides of the political spectrum.
With all of that, I should hate him, right? But no. Well at least, not yet. Or I want to really skip to the part where I don’t care about him anymore. Like, literally no reaction.
I may seem totally fine when I face my family and friends regarding the issue, but well, if I can’t be honest here, then where else? I still think about him. or rather what we had, which if you really think about it, stands next to zero.
I don’t know why I’m still smitten with him, or more, of the image of him I built inside my head. I guess I haven’t given up my control on my future to God, that’s why I cling to the impossible hope that things will get better, in time.
Gusto ko na talaga makamove-on sa nararamdaman ko. Ayoko na mag-care sa kanya. Paano ko ba gagawin yun?
All I can think is I need to close this chapter of my life. I need to really let go. I need to accept that no matter how long I waited for our ‘right time’.
Pensamientos 